The piece I would like to revise is the cause effect essay. I don’t think I did very well at it and I know that I could be better. My cause effect essay is about going to leadership camp and my friends and I decided to climb up a steep hill. Since I didn’t have time to put my tennis shoes on I put on my flip flops which I regretted. My feet hurt so badly and I wish I did take time to put on my tennis shoes.
There are some parts that are good but most of it isn’t. The second and third paragraphs I think are the worst and I wish they were better. The best I think were the 4th and the conclusion. For changing it, I would add more helping verbs, Awubis, metaphors, imagery, and similes. I would change it because I think it would make it better and more interesting. I like this essay but I just think the wording could be better.
When I was at leadership camp in the Black Hills, also called Storm Mountain, and during free time, a couple of my friends and I had endeavored to climb the steepest mountain at camp. The climb started with me not having time to grab my sneakers, so I wore ... flip-flops. Can you believe that? By the time we'd covered the first couple feet, I soon realized wearing flip-flops for a hike was a dreadful idea.
First is the scenery that we saw going up the mountain. We knew that it was going to be a steep mountain. As when we looked at it, it's steeper than it looks. The sign says Paradise Hill, in black letters on a wood sign. As we get closer to the hill we say to one another " Are we sure that we want to go up this." We did because if we didn't I wouldn't be writing about this topic right know. As we were going up there was a lot of things to look at. There were tall trees, bushes, and a little ways up there was a big sitting area with a fire pit. Also there was really pretty flowers too, I wanted to smell them but I didn't know if they were bad or not.
I think next is the best, because the scenery was so amazing. As we got to the top the view was so unbelievable. As we were on the mountain, in the distance there was another mountain and looking so tall that it was up to the clouds. My friend McKenzie said" That's a picture perfect view," I also agreed with her. Also looking at the other mountain my friend Anna said, “That would be the best mountain to climb; I wish we could be over there." Another wonderful part was the sunset view. It was so pretty I thought that I was in a magazine or on TV. The views just looked so unreal but so worth climbing up the mountain for. Right know I wish I was up there because not just for the views but for the relaxation of the scenery.
Also the negative effects were trying to get up and down and it being painful. Trying to go up and down the steep mountain in flip flops is not a good activity that I would recommend. First, as you are going up you just about fall flat on your face. Also going down you can't stop so you practically are running down the mountain in flip flops. This brings falling flat on your face. Also it's painful because when you're wearing flip flops it hurts your feet, your legs, and you stub on a lot of things. A couple times I did stub my toe which hurt really bad. Also on the way down I didn't have control so I ran into a bush and I thought it was poison ivy so I was petrified the rest of the day.
In conclusion, I learned that wearing flip flops hiking isn't the best idea in the world especially
when it is a steep mountain. Also going down slowly is the best way possible because you have more control and you aren't running down the hill. Another thing is that it was hard to do but I learned to push myself and the results can be worth the trip. I never knew the scenery would be that beautiful. I'm just glad I didn't give up trying to get up the mountain but to keep going, never quit, and finish what you started.
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